For her
By Conor Hanson
Conor Hanson, Data Analyst in-training and current ACNAtoo advocate, joined ACNAtoo last Fall. In this post he briefly reflects on why he joined, what he’s learned, and why abuse advocacy in the Anglican church (or any church) matters.
I've been thinking and praying a lot recently, especially because of the Mark Rivera trial that began on July 12th. It didn't finish then, but will continue September 2nd. With all the delays, rescheduling, and the general heartlessness of the criminal justice system, for me the trial brought into sharp focus what matters.
I joined ACNAtoo last fall, something I had no idea I would ever do, because I couldn't unsee what I had seen. I saw firsthand the harm leaders caused to or perpetuated on others. I saw just how long a mother had been working to try to get leaders to see. I knew that how I responded to it all now would shape how I responded later. I was also terrified because I knew how high the stakes, in fact, were, at the time, and always are when it comes to responding to and preventing abuse in the church.
Our team has done a lot over the past year. Amidst all the swirling mess of my own anger, lament, frustration, amidst the ongoing intra-ACNA tensions and historic grievances, etc. I was recently reminded why I joined this team, and why I take abuse in the church seriously.
It's because of one brave young girl.
If I'm honest, I wasn't thinking a whole lot about abuse in the church until I read about how this young girl had the courage to speak of the unspeakable horror of what her abuser did. I wasn't aware of the ways in which church can hurt for many, even a good church, because of its uncontrollable association with previous trauma. I wasn't aware of the dynamics of grooming; of patterns of manipulative and controlling behavior by leaders in a spiritual context over time which constitute spiritual abuse; of how crucial it is to think through good policy for churches; of the signs of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and how it contains a wide spectrum of behaviors and traits; of navigating a person's own trauma with them and just how vulnerable they are.
Two investigations are yet to be concluded in the Upper Midwest Diocese (UMD), there is an agonizing wait until the continuation of the trial on September 2nd, and multiple other investigations or allegations are currently ongoing in other dioceses within the ACNA. All of this has churned up a lot of angry sediment in the ACNA over the past year or so, obscuring much of what's going on. I've heard people call our team "TEC 2.0" referring to the Episcopal Church and its predominantly progressive ideological slant. I've heard people claim we're being bankrolled by C4SO, the "woke'' diocese. I've heard people say ACNAtoo is all a plot to get more women priests in the ACNA. I've heard the word "slander" more times than I can count. I've heard clergy and other leaders viciously attack the work we do via social media...on social media. I've spent my fair share of energy responding to all these and more, whether outwardly or, more commonly, in my own head.
However, the swirling dust that is all the above and more settled for me recently when I had the honor to meet the young girl who braved the darkness over 3 years ago.
I didn't talk much to her, because I was busy talking with others and because, much to my absolute delight, she was busy being a kid (she's 13 now; she was 9 when she first reported her abuser in 2019). I watched her set up couch cushions to land on while jumping off a swing with other kids. This was of course after an intense bike ride with friends, returning red-faced and sweaty. I watched this young girl and all these kids just play.
The joy of seeing children being children, seemingly uninterrupted by the darkness of which we adults were more than aware, reminded me of Jesus telling us that the kingdom of God belongs to such as these (Luke 18:16). It is to children that God has revealed the message of the gospel, as opposed to the wise and sonorous Religious Guys ™ (Matthew 11:25). And of course how we treat children, some of the most vulnerable people, is how we treat Jesus himself (Mark 9:36-37, Matthew 25:31-46). Anyone who prevents these children, and those of us called to follow Jesus, from coming near to his loving embrace in the life of the church is not to be tolerated and the millstones are to be brought out (Matthew 18:6). I take it Jesus is serious about this, as we should also be.
While I watched these kids, loved by all of us there and by God, I knew why I joined ACNAtoo. I knew why I have helped cause such a disruption in the UMD and the ACNA this past year. I knew why I will keep advocating for abuse victims and learning about abuse dynamics and tenaciously scrutinizing child protection policies as well as Anglican Constitutions and Canons regarding clergy discipline:
For every vulnerable person abused and hurt and manipulated.
For those hurt by others in positions of spiritual power.
For those exuberant and sweaty children so dear to Jesus.
For her.