Survivor Story Guidelines | Spiritual Abuse
Introduction
As part of our ongoing advocacy efforts, ACNAtoo offers our platform to ACNA survivors of any form of abuse who choose to tell their stories publicly.
When survivors reach out to share their stories with us privately, our first step is to listen to and validate their experiences. Next, as appropriate, we offer peer support (connections with fellow ACNAtoo survivors) and direct them to qualified professional resources. Many survivors are simply looking for this connection and support, which can be a significant step in the healing process.
In some cases, survivors who reach out to us are also looking to tell their stories publicly.
Sharing your story of abuse publicly (even if you remain anonymous) is a big step and one that we counsel survivors not to take lightly. Every survivor’s path to healing is different, and there is no one-size-fits-all plan. Some survivors find sharing publicly to be part of their healing process; for others, it may do them more harm.
In these guidelines, we briefly address some of the common reasons survivors report choosing to share their stories publicly, then outline ACNAtoo’s established guidelines and best practices* for all spiritual abuse stories we receive. These guidelines were established in collaboration among survivors, advocates, and trauma-informed professionals on the ACNAtoo team, using lessons learned from helping platform survivors over the past several months.
While ACNAtoo reserves the right to accept or reject stories, our posture remains one of survivor belief and we will generally accept stories that fit our stated parameters. We usually engage in extensive conversations with survivors during the story-writing process and we partner with survivors to help refine or rework any areas of their story which might violate our guidelines before publishing. (While we may have to make edits for guidelines adherence, the survivor will always have the right to accept or reject the final version of the story before publishing.)
If you are unsure how your story can be written or adapted to fit within these guidelines, we encourage you to reach out and we will work with you.
*As ACNAtoo continues to learn and grow, we anticipate updating these guidelines.
Why Do Survivors Share Publicly?
ACNAtoo’s mission, which combines the various priorities of survivors on our team and those who have reached out to us, is Advocacy for survivors of abuse in the ACNA, Education and resources for survivors and those who care for them, and Accountability for key leaders within the ACNA to hold survivor-centered policies. Our main focus is always the survivors.
A published survivor story can serve any or all of these objectives. Some survivors tell their stories to help promote and defend survivor rights, needs, and interests for themselves and the broader community of survivors. Some do so in order to educate ACNA congregants, leaders, and onlookers about abuse in the church and survivor-centered response. Some do so in order to publicly hold accountable those protected by ACNA power imbalances, adding to ACNAtoo’s calls for justice or disciplinary action from the Province.
What Do I Need to Include?
Survivors have widely ranging levels of comfort regarding disclosing personal identifying information publicly. You have several options on how to proceed:
Survivor’s Identity: You can choose to tell your story anonymously, pseudonymously, or by using part of or your whole name. We will not make this determination for you and will work with whatever level of disclosure you are comfortable sharing. If you are in doubt, we recommend protecting your identity. You can always reveal it later, but you cannot go the other direction.
Situational Identity: You have the option to name the specific situation or to maintain anonymity. This can include keeping the church, perpetrator, and/or geographical location unspecified. We do require that the situation be directly relevant to the ACNA, meaning the perpetrator or connected guilty parties (though not necessarily the survivor) are current or past ACNA leaders, employees, or volunteers. (If your story isn't connected to the ACNA in any way, we recommend reaching out to a group like ourstoriesuntold.com, who are equipped to platform a broader array of stories.)
Story breadth: You are not required to tell your whole story. You are free to tell as little or as much as you are comfortable sharing about the setup, the abuse, and the aftermath. We are happy to discuss your story with you and help you think through your scope and objective in disclosing all or part of your story.
What “Counts” as Spiritual Abuse?
Spiritual abuse is often defined as “a form of emotional and psychological abuse characterized by a systematic pattern of coercive and controlling behavior in a religious context.”
Because it preys on our longing for God and fear of separation from him, spiritual abuse is a particularly insidious and effective grooming tool. We don’t necessarily need to experience the instances firsthand. We can observe these patterns happening to those around us and internalize the fear it produces. Communities are conditioned together to learn they don’t want those consequences to happen to them; they won’t risk making the same mistake as the ostracized individuals that could jeopardize their membership in the group.This is how toxic cultures are created. In spiritually abusive communities, it is a common understanding that finding yourself outside the community is synonymous with finding yourself at odds with God.
Spiritual abuse is often normalized within communities, making it difficult to recognize for people within that community. You may recognize your experience as spiritual abuse years after the fact.
(To read in more depth about spiritual abuse, see our What is Spiritual Abuse? blog post and the ACNAtoo Spiritual Abuse Syllabus.)
While every experience of spiritual abuse is unique, consistent patterns emerge in most descriptions of these communities. Some common traits of spiritual abuse are:
Shame and fear as tools of control
Manipulation & exploitation
A leader inhabiting a “divine position” or wielding “divinely sanctioned” power
Scapegoating
Misuse and abuse of sacred texts to establish control
Explicit condemnation of emotions (certain emotions are deceptive/not allowed)
Required secrecy and silence
Pressure toward conformity (including the inability to ask questions and stifling dissent)
Censorship and control of decision making
Enforced accountability (required disclosure of intimate personal details)
Behavioral double standards
Isolation
Requirement of obedience (church leaders must be obeyed without question)
Superiority and elitism (our church has it right)
The following are examples of spiritually abusive behavior and are neither mutually exclusive nor exhaustive. We acknowledge and validate survivor stories in all their many iterations. If after reading this you are still unsure whether your story “counts,” please reach out to us to talk further. It is very common for survivors to minimize or dismiss their abuse, so a good rule of thumb is that any lingering questions or discomfort are worth bringing up to a qualified organization or a professional specializing in spiritual abuse.
Spiritual abuse of a congregant by a church leader: One of the most common types of spiritual abuse occurs where a church leader abuses their power to control people in their congregation. This may take a variety of forms. It may look like the church leader claiming to be the voice of God and claiming supernatural “signs” for every decision in order to bolster support. It may look like church leaders proclaiming implicitly or explicitly that there is only one right interpretation of scripture with no room for doubt or questions. Or, the leader may teach that they have the right understanding of a doctrine or teaching, implicitly or explicitly implying no one else does. This type of abuse can also take the form of explicit direction regarding leadership’s expectations around minute life choices: birthing methods, health choices, career decisions, schooling decisions, and even sexual positions within marriage. Leaders may be allowed to engage in behavior by merit of their special position or authority; congregants who question this behavior are reprimanded. Spiritual abuse may also look like leaders using the terminology of “the demonic” to discuss sexuality and encouraging or requiring exorcisms as a “cure” for same-sex attraction or actively pushing same-sex attracted individuals into discredited forms of therapy.
Spiritual abuse within families: Spiritual abuse within families often occurs when parents claim divine authority as God’s representatives in the family. Parents may control their childrens’ spiritual lives with rigid requirements around bible reading, journaling, and serving in church ministries, creating shame when children cannot live up to the standard. They may also misuse scripture to create an environment of fear and isolation. When spiritual abuse occurs within families, children may not recognize it until years later because the abuse was normalized by their parents and church community.
Spiritual abuse within marriage: This can look like one spouse misusing scripture to control, manipulate, or condemn the other spouse. It may present itself as a spouse claiming divine authority as God’s representative within the family. This kind of spiritual abuse is often compounded by church leaders who insert themselves inappropriately into the relationship. Church leaders may encourage abused wives to undergo marriage counseling, to reconcile with their husbands, or to submit to their husbands. Church leaders may also pressure couples to reveal inappropriately detailed information as part of “standard” premarital counseling.
Spiritual abuse of a church leader by a senior church leader: In this type of abuse, individuals being groomed for leadership are pressured to submit to senior leaders without critical thinking or questioning. It may take the form of senior leaders dismissing accredited training through seminary or counseling degrees in favor of unaccountable mentorship. Spiritual abuse can even look like a senior church leader pressuring a leader at another church to influence the actions of congregants at the other church.
Spiritually abusive environments: Sometimes spiritual abuse is so pervasive that an entire community is responsible for the abuse. In these environments, the community ethos says there are certain things people are not allowed to consider or wonder about. People are told that individuals outside the community are “other” and it is dangerous to their soul to be in relationship with outsiders. There are often requirements of secrecy in spiritually abusive contexts. Members are told to “keep things within the family” or to not tell outsiders about things because “they won’t understand.” In spiritually abusive environments, there is often an explicit distrust of emotions. People are told that their emotions are deceptive and cannot be trusted. If individuals reveal anger in response to the abuse, the community condemns them ungodly, angry, and rebellious. Further, spiritually abusive communities will often paint themselves as elite, the ones who “really have it,” and discount any other potentially valid ways of being a spiritual community.
Survivor Story Guidelines
1. Establishing the Facts
As the owner of your story, you are responsible to ensure it is factual. As stated above, ACNAtoo maintains our commitment to believing survivors; however, we cannot vet the details ourselves, so we rely on you to double check anything you may be unsure of, or qualify it with appropriate phrases such as “to the best of my memory,” etc.
(For added survivor and advocate safety, we will publish all stories under the classification of “allegations.”)
2. Perpetrators and Enablers
ACNAtoo allows for the naming of perpetrators and enablers. You can name the perpetrator or enabler’s roles/positions in the church and include details you feel comfortable with that are relevant to your experience of abuse. The description of the abuser and the abuse should be guided by the following considerations:
Avoid assigning conscious intent or otherwise speculating on a person’s internal state or emotions. In other words, stick to their words and actions.
Good: “After I posted a critical comment online, he emailed my pastor and told my pastor to make me stop criticizing him.” (describes a verifiable behavior documented in an email)
Too unsubstantiated: “He was furious at being criticized and so he tried to bully his critics into silence.” (assigns unverifiable emotional state)
Good: “When I mentioned that, he became visibly agitated, speaking faster and louder, and I felt like I was being attacked.” (describes his actions and your emotional response)
Too unsubstantiated: “He verbally attacked me because what I said triggered a memory from his childhood.” (“verbal attack” is too vague, also speculates on why he acted this way)
3. Other Survivors
It is often relevant to a survivor’s story that the abuser has other victims. However, we respect the privacy and autonomy of all survivors to determine how and when they wish to disclose their experience. Do not name other survivors in your own story without their permission.
Referencing other survivors
If it is relevant to note additional survivors, you can include their existence in a general sense but do not name them (even via a pseudonym) or provide any identifying information that would allow those outside the situation to identify who they are.
Example:
Good: “To my knowledge, my abuser isolated and scapegoated at least 2 other people at the church during his leadership tenure.”
Too identifying: “Two other vestry members left the church that year after they were isolated and scapegoated by the same leader.”
(The exception to this is if you have first obtained their explicit permission to do so. If you are unsure how to protect the identities of other survivors who have not given explicit permission to be identified, we can help you rework your story to obscure any identifying information.)
Speak only for yourself
If you refer to another survivor while telling your own story, do not speak for them. This includes describing their internal experience of the abuse, their process of addressing it, their healing journey, etc., without their explicit approval of the content.
Example:
Good: “After I shared my experience in my small group, the other members made excuses for the bishop’s behavior."
Speaking for them: “The other people in the congregation refused to see that the bishop was manipulating them because the cognitive dissonance was too much for them.”
Naming other survivors with their consent
If the other survivors noted in your story do consent to you using their identifying information or describing their experience, we will need them to contact us with approval of the final draft before it is published to verify this.
4. Minor Children
For the safety of everyone involved, ACNAtoo will not name any children under 18, even if they are not a survivor.
It will be impossible to “shield” the children of perpetrators and enablers from the fallout of their parents’ misdeeds. However, we will not highlight them unnecessarily.
If you suspect a child to be the victim of physical or sexual abuse, please reference the minor children section under our Survivor Story Guidelines | Sexual Abuse for direction on how to proceed.
5. Additional Parties
In general, refrain from naming anyone in your story who isn’t themselves a perpetrator or enabler of the abuse.
There may be situations where someone intervened positively to try to help you and you want to give them credit. We still ask that you confirm with the individual in question to ensure they consent to having their name published in this context. If they do not, minimize identifying information as much as possible without compromising your story.
Do the same for any neutral parties relevant to the story.
Note: Because of how spiritual abuse operates in communities, some of those who enable the perpetrators are also victims to varying degrees, meaning the categories are not always clear cut. Common examples include abusers' spouses and those who do not acknowledge this behavior as abusive. These complications will be handled on a case-by-case basis, per the conclusion below.
6. Theological Positions
ACNAtoo is an advocacy team made up of both Christians and non-Christians with a range of theological views. Because we firmly believe it is possible to perpetuate abuse from any or all theological stances, it is important that when a story involves a theological position, it connects clearly how that position was enacted and practiced so that it resulted in spiritual abuse.
As noted in the “what counts as spiritual abuse” section, some of the defining features of spiritual abuse are manipulation, misusing scripture to maintain control, isolation, coercion, assertion of divine position/authority, scapegoating, required secrecy, isolation, and pressure to conform — among others. Anchoring your story in these traits will help to elucidate the systematic patterns and illuminate the abusive nature of how the theological position was enacted.
Example:
Good: “The leaders told the wife to return home to her husband who had physically and emotionally abused her.”
Too general: “Because they were complementarian, they pressured women to submit to their husbands and remain in abusive marriages.”
7. Use of Photos
The inclusion of photographs can be a powerful aid in humanizing/supplementing a written account. Our policy at ACNAtoo is to obscure the faces of all parties in a photo except for alleged perpetrators, other guilty parties (such as those who covered up abuse allegations brought to their attention), or anyone who provides explicit permission for their face to be shown.
8. Informed Consent
To ensure safety for both survivors and the ACNAtoo advocacy team, we will provide an informed consent and hold harmless waiver to be signed before any story is published.
In Conclusion
Because stories of abuse and its aftermath are endlessly complicated and intersectional, there will occasionally need to be judgment calls made on a case-by-case basis regarding the points outlined above. The trauma-informed professionals who partner with ACNAtoo will make the final decisions regarding what can or cannot be included (always noting that the survivor has the final word on whether a story is published after the ACNAtoo team has ensured that the story adheres fully to ACNAtoo guidelines).
ACNAtoo commits to keeping survivor information confidential within the team. Only the story you decide to publish, with the information you decide to include, will be shared outside the team.
There is one exception to this: Our team includes several trauma-informed therapists and clergy who are also mandated reporters. If you disclose information concerning a minor or elderly individual currently being harmed or in a situation of danger, we are legally required to report it within their state of residence. The requirements for mandated reporting are consistent throughout the USA, but for learning purposes you can consult the IL guidelines online here.