May 6, 2021, 9:16 PM

Eve Ahrens to Stewart Ruch

Cc: Cherin Marie, Joanna Rudenborg, [Advocate A], Brenda Dumper, Anne Kessler, Steve Williamson, Eirik Olsen

Thank you so much for all the action taken to protect and care for victims, both those who have come forward and those who might need space to.  Anne, as my story is not as serious or complicated and has no legal implications, I would be happy to be put in touch with Cherie or will just reach out via the link provided. 

I know there's some redundancy in what I might add (and I'm mindful that you likely have and will continue to have plenty of input and opinion to address a result of your announcement) but I know that everyone on our end wishes to speak from the heart on matters that are personal and specific to them and wishes for the spoken announcement and written updates to have the best chances possible of reaching potential victims.  Cherin mentioned some other spaces you might not be aware of where Mark may have had a place of spiritual authority or access to children or adults in vulnerable positions and provided a thorough list.  This isn't a judgment on why he was there or what people ought to have known, which is why we name spaces that are Rez-adjacent but not Rez (we couldn't have expectation for you to have influence over or knowledge of them).  My concern is closer to the one discussed in our zoom call about how reticent parents already are to check in with their own children and how insufficient those conversations often are.  I worry that minimization of his involvement at Rez and spaces filled with Rez families may contribute to that.  Denial and wishful thinking are a common gravitational pull for a parent faced with a potentially tragic and life altering incident for their child, especially one that can so easily be swept away by silence.  A framing that allows anyone but those who attended youth group for a brief window to breathe a sigh of relief and sweep away a discomfort that could have been their child's saving grace would be crushing.  

I also don't pretend to know what the investigators have offered in terms of resources or framing for this kind of announcement, but if parents could be offered resources for these conversations, I think it would create safer spaces for stories to be shared.  I only know of The Well Armored Child, but perhaps there are resources that are briefer than a book.  Even offering a few questions for parents to share, such as "are there times you've felt really ashamed or dirty around an adult?  Or because of something they did or asked you to do?  Have you felt ashamed about something while they seemed to say or act like it was normal"  "Has an adult done something that made you uncomfortable but you felt like you couldn't or shouldn't speak up?  Have they asked you or someone else to do something you didn't feel comfortable saying no to?"  "Has an adult ever asked you to keep secrets?"  There are a number of reasons that the questions parents typically ask (did he do something bad to you?  Have you been abused?) may actually elicit more shame, more secrecy, or simply be spoken in a language that children don't understand or doesn't actually describe their experience of abuse. The research says many don't know how to name their own abuse, or will not disclose to (unknowingly) poorly framed questions.  My anecdotal experience says that this often does even further harm, driving the linchpins of abuse (shame and complicity) even deeper than if the individual had never been asked.  I hope the investigation team or a qualified consultant can provide resources for this.  

I also wanted to add that I have been an Redeemed Lives participant and the nature of the subject matter (very vulnerable content), process (in an intimate, long term, small group setting)  and the participants (many people were seeking care for abuse, addiction, sexual confusion or sexual trauma), would make for a significant power imbalance, and a trust and intimacy with the leaders that would provide very fertile ground for predatory behavior.  What might otherwise be considered a consensual adult relationship would, in the context of an RL leader and their group participant, be predatory grooming and spiritual abuse.  Abuse in that context is very rarely named as that and, thanks to the grooming process, victims will often be the last ones to see it.  It would be a great gift to have it named and spelled out for them.  

Beyond this case, I would hope that this announcement and your action serve as a source of awareness, healing and validation for many in your congregation who have histories of this kind of harm.     

All the best,

Eve Annemarie