Date: April 6, 2021  
From: Joanna Rudenborg
To: Rand York
Cc: [Rand York’s wife], Stewart Ruch, Eirik Olsen, Steve Williamson, Anne Kessler, Helen Keuning, Brenda Dumper, [redacted advocate], Eve Ahrens, Cherin Marie

Dear Rand,

It would have been more accurate on my part to say that I know where you don’t stand. You don’t stand with Cherin and me and those who are supporting us. Not standing with us is a stance, and you are also correct that I do not know the particulars of what you believe or why you have chosen this stance.

That said, I have never believed that you intended me harm. I can only speak to what actions and inactions harm me, but I do not pretend to know anyone’s mind or heart. I hold intention and effect distinct from each other and realize that knowing the second does not mean that I know the first. I believe that most people who cause me harm are generally well-intentioned people; otherwise I would not put forth the effort to tell them when their actions harm me. 

Although my statements about harm are black and white, my view of the individuals involved is not. When someone’s actions harm me, I deliberately remind myself of the ways in which I have also experienced their kindness. When I think of your kindness, I remember the two of us in the kitchen at the [redacted] house a few years ago. You were grieving because a mouse had been caught in a trap that had not killed it, and you were unable to help it. That moment made a distinct impression on me, because I could feel and connect to your deep compassion for a tiny helpless creature’s suffering. That instance, among others, was a clear glimpse into the tenderness of your heart.

Although these memories do not diminish my pain or sorrow over the situation at hand, I continue to hold the complexity of all of this carefully, in my own mind and heart.

Your goddaughter,
Joanna